I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this hospital has no fireball
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
