I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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