she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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