Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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