hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
