then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
i think my cat just said my name.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
