I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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