In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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