i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
