i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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