yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
nutella sex= disaster
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Randomize
