she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
