do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
