is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
