We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
