Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
