we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
