Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
