I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
