We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
