3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
