Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
