i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
