i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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