True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
