she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
