Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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