I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
