people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
