True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
