I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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