My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
