If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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