Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
