How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
