do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
