she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
