uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
