I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We had to coat check the pizza.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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