I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
