Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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