hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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