i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
