I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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