just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
