when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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