cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
