If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
