READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
