anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
