Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
