I cockslap morals
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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