Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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