if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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