Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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